Why Italy is the Best Place for Raising Kids- Part 2
Why Italy is the Best Place to Raise Children- Part 2
About Me: As a mom of three young girls and a military spouse, my journey living in Italy from September 2020 to June 2023 amidst the pandemic was both enriching and transformative. Immersed in the vibrant Italian culture, I quickly discovered why people love it there. From the warm embrace of community to the emphasis on family-centric values, Italy offered me an amazing opportunity to not only experience an entirely different culture, but also to reflect on what we, as Americans, can do better– especially when it comes to motherhood and raising children.
Our oldest with our favorite pizza man, Mr. Carmine. His entire family became one of our “adopted” families, and some of our favorite memories are our girls making pizza with him behind the counter and dancing with him.
Over the next few months, I invite you to journey with me as I delve into the moments and memories that have left an indelible mark on my heart and explore the reasons I believe Italy is the perfect place to raise children.
*Please note that these experiences are my own and not representative of any organization. And just to give you some context, I am a native Pittsburgher, former teacher, and I’ve lived in PA, VA, AL, and Italy. When we moved, I was 33 years old, my husband 39, our oldest was 2, and our twins were 13 months old– all girls.
Last time I began with the cost & quality of childcare, so if you missed it, feel free to read it here.
2. Kids Are Allowed to Be Kids
Every parent has those moments when your kid (or kids) is (are) melting down in public, and all eyes are on you, judging you for how you respond to every cry, scream– or God forbid hit– from your child. It’s almost as if there’s so much pressure to “gentle parent” and remain calm, cool, and collected that when you don’t react and escalate in public, you’re criticized even more, and people assume you aren’t doing anything to correct the behavior. Although I’m no expert, I’ve had multiple psychology classes for my teaching degree, and, like every parent, I try my best to de-escalate situations and discuss what happened later when kids can kind of understand (although I know mine still don’t have those reasoning skills). I don’t escalate the situation and, therefore, I may appear like I’m apathetic to the situation when I’m really ignoring a behavior, waiting it out, or trying to convince whoever that she’s allowed to be upset but we really have to [insert what needs to happen in that moment]. IT IS STRESSFUL. I can’t remember a single scenario in Italy where I felt shame in public.
It took a while for me to unclench, so to speak, and not have to hype myself up for an outing. That spotlight or “all eyes on you” nightmarish moments NEVER happened to me when I was out with children in Italy– especially in restaurants. Kids are expected to act like children in Italy– and, yes, that’s the most freeing thing in the world!
The mental load of taking kids out, exploring, and letting them try things is almost non-existent or at least it was for me in Italy. I didn’t think twice about taking them with us anywhere, nor did I feel that judgment. Once, we even stumbled into a Michelin-mentioned restaurant in Gravedona de Uniti (north side of Lake Como). We read reviews and saw “family-friendly” mentioned multiple times in various posts. We thought, “Perfect!” until we entered the restaurant, our newly 3, 2, and 2-year-olds in tow, and spotted the word “Michelin” on a plaque in the window.
My fears were quickly assuaged by the host, who led us to our table and offered extra cushions for the girls so that they would sit higher in their chairs. Not everyone was in the best spirits after a long day of exploring– we had driven to Lake Lugano, Switzerland, for the day and explored the area, and the servers didn’t miss a beat. At the first sound of anything that could be interpreted as a whine, a server popped out from behind a beam, covered his eyes, and quickly uncovered them, and an ever-so-slight whine quickly turned to laughter as all three girls’ eyes were on this man playing peek-a-boo.
Eating out on the town
When dining in a trattoria or osteria, our daughters would often get served first, and, typically, you could get pasta pomodoro everywhere— even if it wasn’t listed on the menu.
That’s just one of many instances where a smile— and a little grace— was bestowed upon us rather than glaring eyes, pointed fingers, exasperated sighs, or some smartass remark mumbled or loudly declared– parents, you know exactly what I’m talking about. As a result, our children know how to act in restaurants (let me not jinx myself here and say 99% of the time, they know how to act and do act accordingly). They’re not perfect– no one is– but situations are quickly resolved when they have a bad moment. We don’t have them glued to iPads at the table, either. We may bring a small doodle board and we will always welcome crayons and activity sheets when offered. But our girls sit at the table with us, look at the menus, discuss what they want, look around, and ask questions about the decor of whatever establishment we’re in, don their “napkin necklaces” as makeshift bibs if needed, or place them on their laps, and engage with us. If they’re hungry, they might be impatient, but Italy has solved this issue as well, as there’s typically already either breadsticks or freshly baked bread at the table, along with some olio for dipping when you sit down. If not, it is quickly brought out, or a server offers a different amuse-bouche.
The same applies to children in stores, at the community cafe, on buses, etc. Strangers have offered our girls blankets, toys, gelato, and more; mainly, though, they offer a smile and a “Ciao, Bella!” When we traveled outside of Italy, where they may not have been as quickly welcomed, numerous people commented on how well-behaved they were. One woman even bought them a small Pinocchio toy during the intermission of the Passion Play we went to see in Oberammergau (Bavaria or Southern Germany) and gave it to them when we returned for the second act. (And they were the only children under 12 in attendance, and, yeah, this is my not-so-humble brag on my girls.)
Yes, we as parents have consequences for “bad” behavior, and we’ve tried very hard to raise our girls to be respectful and well-mannered. But honestly, we credit a lot of their behavior– especially in public– to Italy’s welcoming arms towards children and how frequently they were out with us. And that frequency of children out and about will be discussed in further detail in the next installment!
Stay tuned for Part 3, where I discuss how children are part of the community fabric in Italy.
